As a Muslim teen, Sabrin Said had been thinking about wearing a hijab, the head scarf worn by women of her faith, when she had an epiphany during fajr, or early-morning prayer. She felt an uneasy shiver all over her body and wanted eagerly to read the Koran. She had never felt such fear and took it as a sign that it was time.
But the 16-year-old student at Gunderson High School in San Jose also thought about how she would be perceived by her peers and faculty.
"I knew going into this situation I was going to be the only muhajaba person in my school," she said, using the term for a Muslim woman who wears a hijab. "And I knew that being the only person would bring up thoughts of what would students think of me. Not only the students, but how would teachers react to me? How was I supposed to act? Am I going to act differently? Or the same? There were a lot of things going through my mind, but there was something bigger than these thoughts."
Said, now a 19-year-old student at the University of California-Los Angeles, is one of many young Muslim women who weigh the life-altering decision to wear the hijab. The head scarf represents modesty and the commitment the girls make to Allah and Islam. While many Islamic countries require girls to wear the hijab once they reach puberty, the decision is harder in a society where covering your head is not only optional, it can also perpetuate negative stereotypes.
"The misconception in the West is the hijab is oppression," says Samina Faheem Sundas, executive director of the American Muslim Voice. "Muslim women who wear it are not narrow-minded or backwards people. They are the opposite."
Some American women who wear hijabs were afraid to leave their homes after the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, 2001, for fear they would be physically harmed. According to the Council on American-Islamic Relations, a Muslim civil rights group, women are often targeted for their hijabs.
In June, a Georgia woman was barred from entering a courthouse for "homeland security reasons" when she tried to contest a speeding ticket. Also in June, at Seaside High School in Monterey County, a lunchroom supervisor yelled at a 13-year-old student to take off her scarf, even when she explained she wore it for religious reasons.
So for young women like Said, something that is meant to be a spiritual decision ends up having to be weighed against what's "appropriate" in the United States. Said's sister, Seham, 18, came to a different conclusion when considering whether to wear the hijab. She says her choice was not influenced by the negative connotations; rather, she just was not ready for that dedication.
"The hijab is like wearing Islam on your sleeve," Seham said, adding, "One day I would like to be like my sister, because I know that she is strong in her deen (religion). And I know I am as well, but I'm not capable like her to do the requirements to be on her level."
For many women who wear the hijab, the meaning is the opposite of Western stereotypes.
"The scarf is not an enemy in society; it's an option of attire," said Zakiyyah Hyatt, a psychologist who was part of a team that started a youth mentorship at the Muslim Community Association in Santa Clara. "In our society, women are perceived as sexual objects. So when people, mainly men, see a woman covered up, her knowledge and abilities stand forth to him, not the fact that she has tight jeans on or he likes how her hair looks."
To many girls the hijab is a symbol of becoming a new person. "The hijab is not just a physical change, it also changes our attitude," says Abynette Kaffl, 17, a freshman at UC-Davis. "You're more humble, and you respect yourself a lot more."
Whether it's to be treated equally, or to be modest, wearing a hijab is a choice only a girl can make for herself, young women say, and it can't be decided overnight.
"In Saudi Arabia I was forced to wear it. In America I can take my time," said Amal Shefdin, a sophomore at DeAnza College in Cupertino. Sabrin Said says Allah gave her the strength to wear the hijab despite the stereotypes.
"It fazed me, but not to the point that I wouldn't do it," she said. "Don't let your hijab be your boundary. I may be muhajaba, but that's not all I am. It's what you make of it."